i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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