One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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