roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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