Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
