And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
