my being single is dangerous.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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