how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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