no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
