yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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