Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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