Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
