So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
