Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
