if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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