I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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