Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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