I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
