She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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