I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
