That's intense
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
