If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
