I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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