I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found the puke drawer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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