so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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