true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
