Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
