I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
