My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
