Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
