Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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