I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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