So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
