Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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