CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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