JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
