You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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