I need help removing her.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
