Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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