if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
