He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
