She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
