i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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