Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
