By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
