thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
