Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
