Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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