I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
