the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
