paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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