His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
