she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
