There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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