So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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