this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
