im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
