I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
