He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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