did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
