someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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