Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My bed smells like the plague
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
