She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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