two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
