Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
