Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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