Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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