I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
