where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cannot find my penis.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
