1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
