My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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