Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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