If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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