Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
