You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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