yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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