They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
