i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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