I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
