hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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